i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
