Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Couch. On fire.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
