I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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