Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
