i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
