Don't make out with my wife yet
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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