I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
