I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
