I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
