Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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