i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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