Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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