If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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