So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
