His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
