As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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