When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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