i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
