mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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