I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
