So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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