My room smells like vodka and shame
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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