Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
