Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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