Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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