is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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