he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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