I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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