i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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