This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
