You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am naked and annoyed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
