highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
