Girls should come with a carfax report
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
