Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
