I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
