My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need moral support for this bender
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
