I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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