p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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