I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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