i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
