walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
