You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
