brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
ttyl tear gas
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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