like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
