WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
