I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
