Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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