I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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