decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
