And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
