I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
