I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
