I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
