He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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