i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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