i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish there were birth control emojis
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
