Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
one two three fourrrrnication!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
