I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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