What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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