I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.