Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.