Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
