I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
