you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
