Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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