I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
