Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
