Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
