He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
