; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My balls are so social today.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we're making bets on your personal life
You left your underwear on the fireplace
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
