Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
