Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
