Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a beard to bite.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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