Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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