I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
