She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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