Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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