how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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