My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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