Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
zippers are such a cool invention
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
