At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
