Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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